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Post by Crazy Chris on Dec 13, 2004 22:04:19 GMT -5
George W. Bush makes a surprise appearence at a fifth grade class and asks if any of the students knows an example of a tragedy. One student raises his hand.
"If my friend was hit by a car and died, would that be a tragedy?"
Bush replied, "No, that would be an accident." Another student raises her hand.
"If a bus full of children drove over a cliff and they all died, would that be a tragedy?"
Bush replied, "No, that would be a great loss." By now all the students were afraid to raise their hand. After some coaxing, one boy in the back finaly gave it a try.
"If you, Mrs. Bush and Cheney were all in Air Forse One when it was hit by an enemy missile and you all died, would that be a tragedy?"
Bush replied, "Yes, that's a perfect example of a tragedy. How did you figure that one out?"
"Well, it wouldn't have been an accident, and it sure wouldn't have been a great loss."
Who else has some good ones?
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Post by Hera Lirambar on Dec 13, 2004 22:07:28 GMT -5
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right question," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: 'Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?'"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and goodbye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that technique in the future!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms. "I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" says Jesse.
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you Sir?"
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. Helms immediately call a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me of course, you idiot."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "You're wrong, you idiot. It's Tony Blair!!"
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Post by Crazy Chris on Dec 13, 2004 22:11:51 GMT -5
That's the one I had trouble remembering the whole thing. Although when I heard it, Powell's answer was, "It's me, you dumb cracker."
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Post by Hera Lirambar on Dec 13, 2004 22:13:16 GMT -5
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Post by Crazy Chris on Dec 13, 2004 22:19:57 GMT -5
I beleave you. (I hate it when I misspell a word and then forget what the correct spelling is.)
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Post by Hera Lirambar on Dec 13, 2004 22:24:19 GMT -5
I beleave you. (I hate it when I misspell a word and then forget what the correct spelling is.) Believe |
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Post by Hera Lirambar on Dec 16, 2004 23:02:20 GMT -5
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
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Post by Crazy Chris on Dec 17, 2004 2:11:54 GMT -5
Am I suppost to believe (Yay!) that Dubyah would get into Heaven?
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Post by Hera Lirambar on Dec 17, 2004 7:34:29 GMT -5
Good point. Maybe they were tricking him into going somewhere else.
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Post by Hera Lirambar on Oct 9, 2005 0:45:23 GMT -5
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing, and concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident"
"Oh No", the President exclaims. "That's terrible".
His staff sit there, stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President slumps, head in hands. Finally the President looks up and asks...
"How many is a Brazillion?"
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